Current mood:	hopeful
Current music:	Franz Ferdinand - The Fallen
Entry tags:	!personal

"I never feel pain, won't you hit me again?" ... [THE PAST]
I missed having evenings with friends, and a healthy, balanced lifestyle. Now, if only I could dream me up a story and then actually transfer the figments of imagination onto paper and/or an internet blogging text area, that would be great.

I'm looking at pictures from way back when (read: anywhere from six to four years ago), and it is absolutely hilarious. Not even painful, now, just incredibly funny. I think even two years ago I would have been bawling at the mere sight of some of these photos. Now, though, I just guffaw steadily in my mind (it's too late to guffaw outwardly; I'll wake up my mother). Ahh, those were the days, but these are the days too, if you really must know.

But yeah, those were the days. I'm not going to have anymore of them like that, but hopefully I'll have better. Things have been pretty stagnant these past few years, even though a lot more has happened. Everything has been joyless, though, in a way. Not that I haven't been happy or experienced dangerously externsive bouts of laughter, but things just haven't been the same. The atmosphere is completely different, and I'm not sure why. It wasn't that I was particularly carefree back then, but I definitely was more naive. I guess that naiveté added an entire layer of thrill that I sorely miss and wish I could experience again. I've gone through so much in the past years, finally lurched over the hurtles, and now I feel like I haven't got anything to look forward. Of course there are many hurtles still to come, and decades of my life ahead of me, but the core of my youth is behind me. I won't ever get that back.

Still, I can try to recreate the feeling, can't I? It won't be authentic, but even a substitute is good, right? Or maybe it'll have a whole new feeling. Maybe.